a good day?
for me, i easily conjure up delicate visions of future good days. i imagine future coffee dates with friends i miss. i imagine getting a job that's finally satisfying. i imagine love. i imagine rekindling passion for God that pales so often these days. i imagine enthusiasm again. for a visionary like me, it is quite effortless to imagine the things to come. i see images of a more rosy-cheeked version of me, doing lots of skipping and jumping and sappy-song-singing.
and then i see a reality check.
the good days of now? that's harder. the pessimism comes out of nowhere. i forget so easily where i come from and where i am going. i glance around in present time and see lots and lots of glasses sitting around; all of them half-empty. i see more of the same...sitting, waiting, wondering, wishing.
i see "everyone else" happy.
i see "everyone else" successful.
i see the bitterness, the frustration, the resent swelling without warning in my heart.
and then i remember the good days of past.
the glory days of college, the wonderful moments of loving life and loving God. i remember that i have been given much. i remember many loving friends circling me like cheerful vulchers, waiting to overdose me with appreciation, with love, with fullness of life.
and there it is.
i know a good day when i see it. yet i tend to forget that God is as good today as he was yesterday. he is as good today as he will be tomorrow. he is not oblivious to my frustrations or to my pain. he is not torturing me with silence, he is allowing me to become refined.
for, i would rather suffer my whole life and be better for it then drink up a blissful (but meaningless) life that leads to a shallow grave.
