unbelievably and astonishingly it was one month ago from right about now that i arrived back in this fine land after my little stint in asia. one month.
and, i suppose, considering that a month is not that long, i've accomplished quite a lot. the changes i've faced have been considerable.
i got a job. way too fast, honestly. i'm now a full-time workin' woman. which feels a bit like being in a well-paying cage. a cage with health insurance.
i feel homesick for korea and yet, strangely relieved to be gone from there.
i have doubted my choices, doubted my new job, doubted that i should even be in this country. i feel like i belong somewhere else.
i've always belonged someone else.
not here.
maybe not there.
but somewhere. else.
i've got about a thousand things to say. but, honestly, i still feel like i haven't unpacked. i haven't settled. i'm having doubts.
i feel unmotivated because i feel unstimulated.
even though korea was bad sometimes, it was good because it was hard and being hard made it stimulating which kept me active and helped me to survive.
but, considering that a month has passed, i'm not allowed to play the jet-lag/culture shock card anymore. even though, being jet-lagged makes me feel safe because it gives me an excuse to feel out of place. and, a month later, i still feel out of place.
and i have no idea what i'm doing here.
2 comments:
Tell me about it...I'm three months down...still going no where. I feel exactly like you, unmotivated and unstimulated...Just be greatful that a job wakes you up in the morning. My unemployed self just stays up all night doing stupid things because i have no reason to wake up in the morning! Grrr I know it's frustrating.
is it bad that almost a year later i still feel like this post too?
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