ungrateful=me

at an hour shy of december, i've managed to squeeze in a blog on november's favorite theme. or rather, the opposite of thanksgiving.
i quit my job over a year ago in the hope (read: assumption) that getting another/better/fulfilling job couldn't possibly be so hard. yet, i am still without a job. after the thrill of quitting wore off, i started to feel a bit worrisome about my prospects. out of necessity, i moved backed into my parent's house which is very much the opposite of growing up. and, i've been content to spend most days searching in vain for employment that seems impossible to come by.
a couple of months ago a "job" stumbled upon me. this job was very much not what i wanted. it required no skills beyond junior high math, it belittled me, humbled me, offended me. but it was money, so i took it and i've been forced to swallow my pride one shift at a time. but, it does not feel natural at all for me to be thankful for it. instead, i feel frustration and bitterness because i feel entitled to something better. and, i wouldn't say this outloud, but i feel like God owes me more.
it is absolutely unnatural for me to feel thankful in most things. most of my best friends live in other states. i feel ugly most days. i wish for things that never come. i wait on promises that fall flat. or, so it seems.
in reality, grace is ever present. hope is screamingly obvious through my life. sometimes i get the good stuff, sometimes i get the shit. regarding God, there are implications and explanations for all of this. regarding emotions, i would obviously choose happy over sad. i imagine that we all would.
as much as i hate to sound all sunday school-like, i really need to consistently remind myself to stop the ungratefulness. because for me, ungratefulness is the most natural way to think. but, i have a job, even though i hate it. i have wonderful friends, even if they don't live so close. and, i am loved. i've got limbs and a brain and skills and ideas and passion...
i have a hope and a future. even if it's tainted by my ever-grumpy self.