comparison

i just got off the phone with a friend from my Bible College days. a friend who is living out the confusion of having such a passion to DO SOMETHING profound for God, but who is stuck in the financial binds and the geographical binds and the singlehood binds that come so unwarned to the mid-twenty somethings who actually don't go straight from high school to college to marriage to perfection. She said a bit about comparison. The thing is, it is not always the assumed who are 25 and married with children. Sometimes it seems to be the unlikely. She is approaching her 10 year high school graduation and the thing is, in high school i thought i'd be married by 22. We all did. And it is not fair (to ourselves, to the others, to God) to compare our lives with the lives of unparalleled others. We are not the same. But, it is hard not to. It is hard not to see the unlikely people from our past lives who are doing exactly what i thought I wanted to be doing right now. And, to see people like me stuck in limbo between lives and dreams and confusion. But, as my friend pointed out, it is not as uncommon as we often think to be single and living with your parents and still feel a slight bit confused. In fact, bring it on. Bring it on if it is going to teach the lessons and clarify the confusion and even bring fullness to these lives of ours that are currently so far from the perfection of anything.

real grown up

the weather is mean right now. may is not supposed to have mean weather. i worked all morning; making lattes for people wet from the rain. and now i'm home. i'm in my apartment with nothing real to do. i just finished grad school and have the actually graduation ceremony in 48 hours. currently i'm dealing with the psychological implications of loosing my identity as a "grad student". i have to grow up and get a real job and pay real bills and yet i have no idea what real job to get and have no desire to face those real bills...and i hated being in grad school until now: now that I am done. Real done. to grow up...

intimidation

I have aspired to be the blogging type for some time now. All the cool kids do it. All the truly post-modern people who have embraced the culture in its technological advancements. And so, today I've done it. I've succumbed to the intimidation. The intimidation of attempting to become the blogging type.