i haven't a clue what i am doing here. here being asia, here being teaching, here being this whole chunk of my life. yet here i am. i had a dream on monday night that i was living in seattle, buying coffee at every corner, drinking it plentifully, and soaking in the bohemian vibe. i've never been to seattle, but the dream made it feel so familiar. i think i'll move to seattle next.
today was such a hard day. hard because hannah is leaving in 4 days, hard because i'm tired and worn thin and wonder why i'm here more often than i expected i would. hard because these 10 weeks has felt like 4 lifetimes. hard because loving people is so often a lose-lose situation. you love people too much, and then it hurts to so bad when you miss them. you love people not enough and then you miss that you even hurt them.
I can think of a thousand places i'd rather be, a thousand jobs i'd rather be doing. but i'm here. and, even though some might not understand this, for now, i feel called. to this: snot-wiping, english-teaching, recess-supervising, kimchi-appreciating, to this. just for now. till whenever. till whenever i get to move on and drink coffee plentifully again, be passionate again, feel enthusiastic again and (hopefully) am better for it because of this.
a friend wrote to me yesterday:
"are you convinced God told you to go to korea?"
(my answer is yes)
"do you have real friends there?"
(my answer in four days will be no)
"cry out to God a million times, push through the confusion, he is at work in you for sure"
"I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." (Eph 4:1-3)
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