what once was normal....

strange things happen to a person who lives outside of her "normal" culture for an extended time.

yesterday i was with my fellow teachers, grabbing dinner in town.

some random blond girl passed us on the street, i got excited, did a double take, and got all tongue-tied, unable to do more than smile and say "hi". i did exactly what koreans do when they pass me on the street. stare. smile. say hello.

now, in my final months of korea, i'm finding myself precariously balanced between an excitement to move on from this place and a dread of leaving a place that has so surprisingly stole a bit of my heart.

i leave in 45 days. that's not very long. and, in that time, i will undoubtedly fluctuate between the thrill and fear and the sadness of moving on. undoubtedly i will miss so many things. i have, obviously, already plotted about which cute kids i will smuggle home.

what i've hated most korea is obvious communication walls. i miss conversation on so many levels. i miss talking to my barista. i miss talking to church-mates. i miss the ministry of talking to high schoolers on a level beyond English training. i miss understanding song lyrics, announcements in the store, comments from passersby.

but, in some ways, i don't miss it. there is a comfort, perhaps a self-professed laziness in not having to communicate. i communicate with smiles and body-language, but i don't have to really listen. and, it gives me an excuse to be ignorant, to be naive. and, something deep within tells me that is not a healthy way to function.

what i do love though, in the midst of all this lack of communication and miscommunication and craving for communication is that when someone is praying or worshiping in korean, even though i do not understand the words, i do understand the God they are speaking to. and, that God is the God I speak to, the God i sing to. that has been a strange comfort for me. because, something people from home keep reminding me of is that, in loneliness, God often revels himself in ways he won't without it.